Failures and Success

I have put on one of my blogs before... I think I found this on Sparkpeople.com but I just think that this is good... And it fits.....
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
I have hit a time in my life where I need to make some changes... Not only in my weight loss but everything... Home life.. work life... I am one of those people that if I do not see results I quit, because I do not want to fail, so if I quit then I made that choice so in my eyes I am not failing. In reality I am... I am failing myself.. I am hurting myself... I have said from day one that I am here for a LIFESTYLE change.. lets face it.. I have not done what it takes to accomplish that... I know that I looked back in almost every blog I have written so far... all I see are excuses and the promise to get back on track and not to fail again...They say that to make something a habit..do it for 28 days... Does that really work... I have lost weight in the past and felt like it was a lifestyle change it was WELL over 28 days.... That was 3 years ago and 100 lbs lighter... So what happen... I HAPPENED... I have been told lately that I am very hard on myself and yes that is true.. I put all these things on my shoulders.. I dont want to marry Adam until I lose all the weight.. I am not going to have a baby until I lose all this weight.. I am not going to be happy until I lose all of the weight... Well what can I do ..... Why am I putting all of that pressure on that one little thing... but lets face it ..Its a HUGE problem.. Being OBESE is a big deal.. It affects a lot... Health... happiness..... it can hold you back on a a lot.... but with me putting all these things on hold putting so much pressure on me is this setting myself up for failure..... How can I change my thoughts... because really... a lot of my problems are in my head.. I know that I can lose weight with diet and exercise....but I am not doing it..because my head is telling me I will never do it..... I know I can.... I know that I am going on and on... but that is me.. .always thinking about everything.... but have you noticed that in my title it says failures and success.. I have not yet mentioned anything about success.... It makes you wonder... think about everything that you have done in your life... I have done many things in the past that made me feel good... but why does that matter when I talk to people... I always go straight to the negative...???

SO HERE IT GOES.... Good things that I have done in my life that makes me Happy!

I worked in a group home for year and the guys still keep in touch with me now...
I also worked with mentally challenged adults for about a year and talk to them as well
I am a very caring person and have always helped anyone I can at any point of my life
I love my family no matter how dysfunctional they (we) are...
I have done many walks for charity..
I will help you before I help myself.

So that is just a few... but that last one is not really a good thing.. Yes it is good to help others..but the truth is if you are willing to help yourself in the long run you are hurting others you just do not see it yet....

So everyone that reads this... Lets take time everyday for just ourselves... Yes with the weight loss journey but also something mentally as well... Just get something off of your chest..Something that Adam and I do .. Is High/Low... We always talk everday and say what was the best part of our day (high) what was the worst part of the day (low) and if we could change one thing about it what would it be.... I got this from a movie.. but it has been helping us get things out that before we didnt give ourselves a chance to..
Have a wonderful day...!!!!!!!!

Kristin

Still Sick ... but trying to pull through and Get my motivation back.....

I have been sick since last Monday... and like I said on Friday I used my sickness as a chance to eat whatever I wanted... I tried to tell myself that I was sick and that it didnt matter what I ate... Well, in the back of my head I knew... I was just making it worse on myself... That is ok... I know that I need to stop being so hard on myself... I need to pick myself up and just keep on going... I can do this... I have not given up on myself... I will not give up on myself.... I just need to find my groove.. see what works for me... Something that I am able to stick with for the rest of my life..... I talk to so many people and read so many blogs.. trying to see what works for others... While it is great to get ideas... I realize that I need to worry about myself and what I want to accomplish... I know what I need to do... I just need to do it... I have family coming this weekend and I am not even in the right direction of where I wanted to be.. I do have my family coming in December for Christmas.. I really need to get back into full gear.. I need to stop all of these excuses...I spoke with a girl at my work at lunch today and she is now training for a half marathon... Which puts back into my head.. OMG... I signed up for one in may.. with the shape I am in right now... there is NO way I could do it... So I am promising myself to try my best on my lifestyle change... I want to be ready for this...
What is a goal that you are reaching for and maybe put on the back burner or gave up on..? Lets do this together.. From losing weighting..running... reading more... taking vitamins.. I know that we all have our own goals.. Lets help each other... That is why we are on here...
Well tomorrow I will post my weight and diet goals as well as my exercise.. I have not yet exercised since I have been sick... So for now it is my diet I will be working on...
Have a great day.. and as always thanks for reading my blog...
Kristin

OUT SICK

I will post something tomorrow. I have been MIA since last week. I have been sick and first day back to work so I need to catch up... Lets just say most people that are sick.. dont eat.. WELL NOT ME..... I ATE and ATE and ATE... Glad to be back though...

Holding YOURSELF accountable...

I dont know where to really start with this except for the fact that I SUCK at it.. I have done everything I can to try to hold myself accoutable... I am on sparkpeople.com, I have my own blog 2bhappyandhealthy4ever.blogspot.c0m, I have my sister following it, I have my friends following it and well a contest with 3 people at work.. Normally I am all over competetion I hate to lose.. but see I am noticing that I know that the contest ends December 19th so I am slacking.. I am real bad when Adam is at is Grandmothers house from Wednesday at 1:00 until Saturday at 3:00, that is a lot of alone time and to much time to be bored.. When I am bored I eat.. When I am sad I eat .. When I am stressed I eat... When I am hungry I eat... SO basically when I am ANYTHING I eat.. lol.. Only it isnt funny.... I want to know what more I can do to get myself going... What can I do to change this cycle I am in... I have all of the tools.. I feel like I am on a broken record everything I say I know .. ITS EXCUSES.. why cant I get past this stage I am in... I dont want to live like this anymore.... Bringing back up the Biggest Loser when the doctor showed the contestants there real ages.. OMG... what would mine say.. comparing to the girls on there I would guess I am 50 and I know 50 isnt old.. but when you are 29 and have the insides of a 50 year old..... Wooooooaaaaaaaaa STOP .... I CAN NOT let this happen to me.. I dont even have a baby yet and I have a great boyfriend (husband) someday and I am 29 I want to live... I dont want to die at 70 you know.. So here is the problem I have no clue what to do and where to start or what to do period I want this so bad it hurts... So I asking for help... and I know that you guys try.. I just need something more.. Any ideas let me know... and as always thanks for your help.... One thing I hope that will help me is the fact that I am joing the Y this week.. That should help me not be bored and lonely while he is gone...
Kristin

Biggest Loser and Willpower

Last night FINALLY the Biggest Loser came back on and I am so excited about it... I am this is the extra motivtion I need... I am missing something and cant seem to find it... its called WILLPOWER, and mine has been missing for 3 years now..... I dont want to be known as the fat girl anymore.. I am tired of it.. but why do I do nothing to fix it....CCSLOOKINGOOD and JEALLYBEAN72 are two of my biggest motivations... They are true inspirations and if you need anything.. go to there page and just read... see all that they have accomplished.. I would have given up by now if it wasnt for these two and my support hat home....
That is what the Biggest Loser does for me too.. Gives me that extra push... I wanted the green team to stay ... Sucks they got kicked off after the first week.. But WOW.. did you see them now.. they are doing great... I also am pulling for the yellow team and the red team...
I do not have as much time to write more this morning, I have a meeting to get too..
Here are 8 Mental Steps to self-motivation because that is where it needs to come from... Help from others is great.. but if you are not willing to motivate yourself then how can you succeed.
1. Start Simple
2. Keep good company
3. Keep learning
4. Stay Positive
5. Stop thinking
6. Know yourself
7. Track your progress
8. Help others
I think that this makes perfect sense... Would should all try these 8 SIMPLE rules
What is it that motivates you?

Best Friend

This is not really about weight loss.. Well not at the begining...but in the end this makes it even better... I had a friend in school named Heather.. Actually we were best friends since I think second grade... We did everything together... Why do things change... ??? It is hard to say what really happened... She was 17 when she moved to New York and got married.. I was left in Virginia.. All we had seemed gone.. We still kept in touch and I was SOOOO happy for her.. but it was just different... I had my life she had hers... I ended up dating Adam and the next thing I new and it was almost 5 years later since I have talken to her.. It was me really... I am not sure exactly why... but I knew that she had tried finding me a couple of times.... and I never responded... WHY?? she and I had been there for each other for everything.... How could I do that to our friendship.... Well.. I know why... I hate myself.. I have no confidence.....and I am fat... I couldnt deal with me real feelings.. so I let a little comment made mess up everything... Back then I couldnt see that..I do know... I am fatter then I have ever been.. But NOW I am doing something about it... Heather contacted me yesterday... I was so happy... She sent me some pictures... and we even texted back and forth some... We plan to stay in touch as much as possible... but it made me realize that I am the problem.. I want to sabatoge anything good in my life... I am miserable inside... why bother trying to be happy... I love Adam and we are doing great... but inside... I need a change.. not from him... MYSELF... Why am I allowing myself to be this heavy, unhappy, and well FAT.... I had gotten down to 175lbs almost 3 years ago and I know that it was hard but I did it.. I was happy.. but some things happened and I buckled under pressure... Just what I let happen with Heather.. I realize that my weight problem is not just food it is how I think about myself and what I have let myself become..
So you guys have been around for a while now reading all about me.. Thank you..I want you to know that I am not giving up on myself ANYMORE... I want to add 10 years on to my life.. I want to be healthy so I can have a healthy baby... I want to be HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy for the love of my life Adam
I am happy for the reunion of my best friend Heather
I am happy for my friend and her baby and another one on its way
I am happy for my grandmother to moving in with me soon
I am happy that for the first time in my life.. I am going to lose weight for me
I am happy that for the first time in my life.. I am going to be happy with me
I AM HAPPY
This is the way I am going to look at things.. Be happy for what I have but realize to be happy about other things.. like weight,fitness, and friendship.. Only I can change that....
Thanks again for stopping by,
Kristin

5k in May

So first I am going to come out and say in order to save money I am going to be getting rid of my home phone and internet services for a while.. I have christmas coming up and a ton of family to spend money on.. gifts food..everything... I will be on here Mon-Fri and will keep you up to date on my progress.... This is something I have to do.. I have become so obsessed with reading and researching about weightloss and fitness that I dont have enough follow through.. What is the point in learning if I am not going to use the information I get... So I am hoping that this will help me put myself into full speed... I know that I could be doing way better than I am now....
I have some great news though.. I signed up for my first 5k ... In May... I know it is far away but it is my first 5k and I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited.. I need to like I said get my butt in full speed.. I want to do well.. I cant wait to tell my sister!!!!!
Well have a great day.. That is it for now...

Vision Board and Other motivational tips and tools

I have used a vision board in the past and it worked well for me.. I would cut out a bunch of words like determination..fit..happy... healthy and then some picutres of girls that I would love to look like..I think there are good and bad things about it... I know that most of the girls I put on there..i could never look like.. but then if I put a picture of me now on there it motivates me for like a week but then a week in seeing NO change makes me wanna give up..Will I always look like that. SO I do NOT put me on my vision board... I know that a lot of people on Sparkpeople.com do .... It doesnt work for me... My goal today is to finish a new one for me... I like to put a goal meter.. like people do when they raise money they have a moneymeter well I use this for my goal... put start at the bottom with my start weight and at the top I have my goal... every 2lbs lost I fill in that much more on the meter until I reach the top..

One other method I am doing to today is I bought a 3 ring binder and I have a lot of printed out info ... workouts, diet ideas, recipes, and charts... I am going to form it into my book of me.. my journey and my tools to live by... I have so much that I am not sure it will fit into the book.. I am going to have a section to track weight, food intake, and an exercise log... What do you think about that? any ideas or tips I can use for it...?
Well I will be back later today to tell you what I did get done and what my plans are for the week
Have a good day!

MYCOUNTDOWN TO MY GOAL

Myspace Countdowns at WishAFriend.com

Goals/Charity and me

I know that I have gone over my goals many times and they have not changed.. I may be a little behind on the weight loss but I am coming back slow... but I will end strong. I know that yesterday I was on sparkpeople and I put as a thread. When you reach your goal who would you like to meet.. I put BATISTA from the WWE... I can not help it.. I know it seems kinda funny and there are many people I would love to meet.. But he is and will always be at the top... After reading his book it really made me want to meet him that much more... He has started from the very bottom and HE is the one that never gave up until he reached where he wanted to be...well and he is HOT.. but mainly I think that he is a True Inspiration and that is why he would be number one of my list... Well anyways, one girl on the thread said "I understand wanting to meet someone you crush on ONLY when you're thin... but love yourself now Done Girls and the hotties will be attracted to your confidence, and maybe even think the stomach pooch is cute!" I just wanted to say that I understand your point but I really wasnt looking at it from that point.. Yes if I could meet him tomorrow I would, I would not ever turn up that chance to meet him BUT... I was using this as a goal... I will somehow meet him someday... I want to reach my GOAL FOR ME..... but it would be great to have that confidence when I meet him and at this moment it is on vacation.... my confidence has been gone for a while... very long vacation.. but it WILL be coming back soon.. I want it back.. believe me.. but I cannot all of the sudden say hey confidence ...there your are....

Moving on.... I also wanted to say that I was trying to find a way to raise money for charity but to bring my weight loss into it.. Like finding people..gyms...family.. (not sure who yet) to donate to the charity of my choice.. example $1 per pound lost... if I found 10 different people that would be $10 a pound... when I reach my goal of 150.. that will be 126lbs lost... So $1260.00

I of course would like to do more.. I would love to get ideas and where to go with this... Any ideas let me know.. I want to start this ASAP... I have made one proposal with a VERY big company, but I do not want to get my hopes up and I do not want to mention with who until I get a response....

So... Today is the first day of the rest of my life.. I am 1lb away to get back where I was August 31st before I gained 6lbs back... I am so done with the roller coaster weight... Here I come 150.

Tell my confidence to get ready too...

Weight - 265.4lbs

Mood - Excited to move on and do something about this

Diet - my plan is 1200calories

Exercise - I have about 2 hours of house cleaning... going to walk 4 miles today

Everyone have a great day!

Kristin

BATISTA...

Just wanted to say.. MAN... if I knew that meeting him was in my future... I would kick butt on this weight loss... MOTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unhappy ... and happy YMCA

I am just not doing well this week. I have been very up and down this week.. A lot of stress and work stuff going on... I overate last night, that being said I didnt eat anything all day until last night which i know is very bad. I hope that this weekend will help me get through this. I do have a little bit of good news though. I just found out that my company pays for 50% of my gym membership to YMCA as well as waving the sign up fee.. I am going to work it out to go.. $20 a month. Adam is going to pay for it for me for a Christmas present .... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that this and the start of the Biggest Loser helps me get out of my HORRIBLE FUNK I have been in.. I am so unhappy with myself it is unreal... That is ok.. Everyday is a new day.. Had a couple of bad days.. but I am still here for myself.. I am not giving up.. Just want to take care of this.......... I need to get this FAT UNHAPPY person GONE FOR GOOD...... I will do this...
Todays weight 266.4
Mood -- tired and depressed
Diet--- did not bring in food again .POOR
Exercise-- will go for my 4 mile walk. I will have no choice with that...

BIGGEST LOSER and DR PHIL

I am addicted to the Biggest Loser.. I love it.. I have watched every show every year that it has been out.. I have watched the reruns the marathons.. I think that I have seen every show that Jillian or Bob has been guest on.. I love it... It gets me soo pumped up and I am hoping that when the new season starts .. (with the new me in progress) I lose even more and stay motivated... In the past I get pumped up like I said but never did anything with it.. ALL TALK..I know I say that alot.. I was all talk and never did anything about it.. That is done.. I know that I am not giving it my all now and I know that I have never given it my all.. and that is why I am OBESE...FAT.... CHUBBY..... I dont want to hear another guy say I am not a chubby chaser and wonder if they are making fun of me... Why am I so hard on myself.. I dont know why..I know I can do this.. but I am my biggest sabatoge.... I will use anything to make an excuse.... BIGGEST LOSER.. here I come.. I cant wait ... I love seeing people do well and lose weight.. You would think that with all the diet,exercise, weightloss, and motivational shows or websites I go on.. I would do better.. I wouldnt be fat...WELL I am FAT...AND I AM SOOOO DONE BEING FAT and UNHEALTHY and most of all unhappy...
One more thing that I want to mention today..is the Dr Phil show.. I like him but some shows I do not watch.. But when i saw the Weightloss Race Challenge.. MAN it looks like it will be fun.. I only wish that I could get onto one of these shows.. I would kick butt on the biggest loser or even on the race challenge.. I am a quitter on myself but when I am in a challenge and others depend on me... i dont give up... So coming to this point as I am typing.. wow I think that i have finally figured it out... Yes I have my online support.. I love you guys.. Sparkpeople.com and my blog readers and Phit-n-phat.com but I need someone here physically with me doing the exercises with me and pushing me and I will push them.. I am going to find a workout partner TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Todays weight 267
Todays Mood- Excited
Diet- Poor..didnt pack anything ran out the door
Fitness- walk 4 miles tonight

Random Thoughts and comments.....

I really do not have much to say.. After yesterdays blog about being tired.. It didnt get any better... I am still very tired.. I actually went home after work and took a nap and some medicine.. I had a very painful stomach.. Not upset.. just cramping real bad... I woke up today in good spirits.. Hoping that today is the day I get back in the grove. I have all of my healthy snacks and lunch and water. I plan on doing my 4 mile walk and turbo jam tonight. I like doing the DVD but I love the walk.. gives me some time to clear my head of all the stress I have been putting on myself... I hope that tomorrow.. Let me rephrase that.. I KNOW THAT tomorrow I will be putting a great blog and telling you how good it felt to do all of this...
I have posted pictures of me... (sorry) from August 4th .. which was day one of this Lifestyle change for me.. I am getting closer and closer to Christmas everyday. I need to step it up.. I always go to this one blog and read her new and old stuff for motivation. Her blog site you can click on under my favorite blogs I follow. Hers is Chasing Iron. Her name is Sarah and she is a true inspiration and I am so happy for her... I know that I have never met her but feel that I have known her all of my life.. I read her blog like I said everyday.. And sometimes more than that...
I also want to mention that with Christmas coming I am wanting to be healthier for my sister. I want to say hey Danielle lets go for a jog.... or lets go workout... She is very fit and has now been running marathons.. I am very proud of her... She knows what she wants when she wants it and she gets it...
Well that is it for today... Weight today. 267.4
Started 277.5 August 4th
Current 267.4 September 9th
10.1 lbs lost.. I am not where I wanted to be but that is ok.. the journey will never end ... I am I am up for the challenge....
Kristin

So Tired ......

I am not sure what I should be doing... I have all of the tools and support and motivation that I need to succeed but the last few days I have been soooooo tired and not wanting to even get out of bed... I try... I say ok.. I will snooze one time.. and on my phone that is only a 5 minute snooze... ONE HOUR later this morning I get up... I know that I need to and I really want to ... so why didnt I get up.. I just wonder what is it going to take for me to get my fat butt up and do something about it... I want this soooo bad.. .I need this... and I am embarrassed about my body... What humilation is it going to take to make me go... that is it... I am doing this... I am not saying that i have fallen off of the wagon, because I am still eating healthy and still exercising.. I am just not giving it my all. WHY..... WHY........ WHY.........
I have had someone that has succeeded and proved what she is made of and has become a mentor/trainer/support system.. She believed in my want and gave me every tool I think of to succeed... I started following yesterday... So maybe I can say I did ok.. but I would have been ashamed if that was my one chance to prove myself to her and say hey you went out on a limb for me.. Look what I have done for you.... Well this crazy up and down side to side... backwards forward SHIT has got to stop.. I am better than this... I am not going to be unhealthy for the rest of my life.. I know that this is going to be a LIFE struggle...but I know that one I get over some of the first few hurdles... I will keep going and make it.. I know I can do this....
SO TIRED.... Dont want to get out of the bed
SO TIRED.... Of being fat
SO TIRED.... Of letting myself down
SO TIRED.... Of letting everyone down
SO TIRED.... OF BEING TIRED........... What are you tired of?

THERE IS NO OPTION

Yes I have fallen of the wagon many times and took forever getting back on again... But there is no option .. I am doing this.. I have to... There is no option... I am severly obese.. THERE IS NO OPTION....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to tell you or me for that matter that I am not going to have a bad day here of there but I am NOT going to fall off the wagon again... I do not believe that having a bad eating day or a lazy day is falling off the wagon.. I used to feel that way.. Anytime that I would give in one day.. I would say well I have already screwed up now, why bother... Not anymore... I am a strong person .... I can do this.. I will do this ... THERE IS NO OPTION.....
I love taking any advice I can.. So please share with me anything that you think might help.. I will do the same if anyone needs anything as well...
"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up"
So I say to everyone .... LETS DO THIS.... WE CAN AND WE WILL DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Kristin

Emotional Eater.....

Well... I have to say that I failed this weekend badly. I started out with picking a fight and then kept it going and going. So I ended up with no sleep. I then found out that my grandmother that lives in Virginia and I am all the way in Florida fell and no one was around to help her for a while.. The thing that got to me the most is that I love my grandmother so much and I talk to her about everything and I had talked to her FOUR times and she never told me.. I found out a week after it happened.. Lets just say my weekend went down from there... I didnt care .. I lied around and cired and ate whatever I was in the mood for. I didnt realize that I did that until I got to work this morning and I was reading my mail and found an article on Emotional Eating... WOW... I had no idea......I have gotten bad about emotional eating.. I do not have much to say.. NO EXCUSES... I need to suck it up.. .This is my life... my body...and my happiness.. I need to separate these things.. SUCK IT UP..... NOW..... I got down to 264.. today 267.. Still winning at work.. but i need to kick it up a notch... I CAN DO THIS.... I NEED TO DO THIS..... I WILL DO THIS......
I will be back tomorrow.. Have a great day...